Car wreak
A car wreck ahead, traffic jam, pieces fall by wayside
On the side of the road stands a deer
Does he not know what he has done?
The suffering and the pain that now has everyone
Just because he had to embrace what caught his sight
That stupid deer, she does not see what he has done
A trail, a path, a sudden death
That which catches my eye forever
That stupid deer, she does not know what he has done
And I having to pass through it with a pale heart, given to a heavy hand
Only to look back like a deer in the headlights,
and having the courage to turn away
Unsettled: Hiding (corresponding painting ‘24)
Hiding
Too scared to reveal my truth
Hiding is safe
Neglecting things that should be done
Wallowing in what should have been,
and time passes
A toll to be paid hiding from oneself
Time shall be wasted,
and some time taken
Hiding is brutal at times of need
Hiding has hidden rewards,
and hidden regrets
Unsettled: Drowning (corresponding painting ‘24)
What you see does not reveal truth
I am drowning
You see what you want to see
I am drowning
If I let you beneath,
your opinion changed
But I remain the same
I am drowning
Look deeper to see truth
I am drowning in spite of you
See past the illusion
Calm the waves,
save me
Unsettled: Fading (corresponding painting ‘24 and ‘25)
What you see does reveal truth
I am drowning
You see what you want
You see what I wanted
Guiding you beneath,
Opinions do not matter anymore
When waves don’t remain the same,
and truth does not always look for spite
The illusion is gone
Waves have changed to storms
And a little harder to save,
when one cannot reach the water
Unsettled: Lost (corresponding painting ‘24)
Lost among such silence
You cannot see me
I cannot hear you
To find me would be untrue
Falling, fallen
Lost among all of you,
lost among just one
Broken (corresponding painting ‘24)
A broken window
Shattered by life, time
A reflection of truth now lies shattered
So many pieces laying on the floor
Nothing to protect from crashing, falling apart
Too many pieces
I can’t repair the window, bring it back
Cannot repair the pieces it took from you and me
We are broken glass, and in death free
Soon we will not remember
But pieces shall always remain,
laying on the floor
I cannot repair it
Can’t make it better
Not now, not ever
I cannot believe
Forever shattered by life that fosters broken glass,
and how it grates others
But there is no fault to be born broken
I will never understand broken glass in myself, in others
But I will always understand broken glass left behind, remembered
I don’t want to be broken anymore,
I don’t want to remember
Undone (corresponding painting ‘24)
No need to say more
My past expects clarity
I don’t want to show grace
My past presents itself, but not in glory
It charges forward to claim the living
Damage that does not want to be claimed
I do not want to feel
What it wants to destroy
Please leave it where it lies
I do not want to carry it anymore
It has grown heavy, petty, and without Faith
Please unravel it, leave it behind
The paths I walk now cannot bear its weight
Please leave it where it lies
Undone does not carry my fate or command my past
Please unravel it, leave it behind
My Tree (corresponding painting ‘24)
My tree of life
I make my own paths, but some paths given
Some paths abandoned
Some paths renewed
Some paths enjoyed,
and some paths destroyed
I cannot go back and fix branches broken by life’s storms
So I keep branching out
Reaching higher, but not always stronger
Growing weaker in mind, spirit
Trying to renew but every year it gets harder
My roots are strong beneath my feet,
I will only yield to the water
And not bother to seek what does not ground me
So I admire my branches for some are still strong,
but only reaching so far
Life is limited by time and paths chosen,
and colder by paths given
Whether I believe or not
I am still one tree,
in a valley of forests
Death of a Flower (corresponding painting ‘24 and’25)
Something so pure dies without warning
Something so fragile dies without warning
Something so worn dies without warning
Life dies without warning
Life was suppose to warn me
Send me a sign, a signal
But nothing was sent
And a life lost without a word is like a flower without water
Nothing was sent to warn of its value
The Silent Tree (corresponding painting ‘24)
Somewhere in between
The light and the dark
That is where I will be
Screaming to an audience of just one
My screams are meant for me alone
You will not hear them
Through your choice and mine
Though you may bear witness
My screams remain silent
They fall on ears that cannot hear;
to bear beside what lives within
When screams soon become audible
My screams will be dead and gone
A memory that once was
Silence still bears witness,
and it approves
Ode to Me (corresponding painting ‘24)
So selfish to display what I become
Innocence broken, past undone
Anger lies just above my soul
I can’t defend my weakness anymore,
devours me making me whole
Begging for mercy, forgiveness
On what I have endured, and what I have not done
I hate what I become,
a shell of webs binding me to the past
Claiming my present so it shall not be had
Except by anger that demands no response, or remorse
My future shall not be had by the living
Only by the dead that do not fade into the past
My passions, love for them
Breaking when remembering their souls
And my soul renewed just enough
To show that I can still stand on my own
Not think of taking me with my passions, or the dead
I shall sleep in an abundance of nothingness
Displaced by selfish endeavors,
and paintings that seek what I do not understand
I cannot display what I cannot stand
A blundered, misguided, shameful beautiful painting
Breaking myself not seeing the living
Being dead, seeking the dead,
and honoring the dead are all the same
I shall rule what you cannot see
And what you do not see destroys me making me whole
I repent and sorry has no meaning,
to what has been done to the living
“Ode to Me” is a selfish endeavor
So selfish in acts that pray for forgiveness
See Me, “Ode to Me”
As selfish as you stand
But for only a passing moment that shall never leave
Remind me of what I am
Someone I cannot stand to let lie upon the living
I have imprisoned myself where there is no room for the living
See Me, “Ode to Me”
For your disclosure has been said
I have exposed such selfish endeavors and side effects of inside pleasure
That do not seek the living, but only register the dead
Adhering to the dead and the places they keep
Places that leave me numb, unseen
No place for the living
So go and be free
Be free, “Ode to Me”
I release you from your selfish prison,
Where the dead roam and delight in selfish dances
Where paintings and poems seek only you,
roam far from
I release you, “Ode to Me”
You do not have to break bread with your passions and the dead
I release you
I set you free
Then see me where the light roams,
and dances with the living that bears no home
A Dance For One (corresponding painting ‘24)
A dance for one, a dance for many
Isolated by lines, misconceptions
Follow through, no exceptions
Questions are better kept for dancing
Hurry down the lines, nice and straight
Not to fall off to what appears precious
Yet I pull together tougher
To appear bigger than I am,
and small enough to walk the lines
Behind the crossover, I dance
A dance that comes with a song
Lines that come forth, sneak up from the past
Dancing fluid to appear the ease of the walk
If only the dance was visible, and the fall
Looking happy walking when dancing
But no one sees the stumbles, the falls, the crawls,
and I look up again
Wondering if there is something better than what I dance
Realizing I can break in many ways, and I fall
Bowing out for now
Dancing outside the lines, a familiar song
When the walking becomes visible,
lines soon disappear, and I fall
Another crawl to dance
Grateful to be alive,
the falls are many
Can you come with me?
Breaking the isolation and misconceptions, and we fall
Becoming weary and worn, encompassing circles
Bowing out to release the dance,
and silence washes over
Releasing the light into the dark
And the dark into the light
Pondering misconceptions given to a dance
To others who do not know won’t understand
A dance for a breath of each day
A break to see light blossom into…
Light bearing seeds that only grow in the dark
Bowing out can be a dreadful plight
At least until another song presents into…
Lines encompass circles that give to silence only one thought
A want of hope and forgiveness, another dance
A heroine thought, and I fall
Catching my breath and saving it
For the next dance, misconceptions
Trying to end the song that proceeds the dance
Leading me to a place of forgiveness that I am are ok,
and I fall
The Empty Chair (corresponding painting ‘24)
The empty chair is where I settle, not by choice
But by the wind that does not change course
A design flaw that carries no name
That does not live but only maintains
Maintaining an empty chair because sometimes I settle
To redeem a wholeness that proceeds to break upon the empty chair
A chair that knows no life beyond my view
And I know of life while it waits
Waiting to be claimed, waiting to walk away
Not leaving it bare for too long
The maintenance of the empty chair beholden to not a price
To take pleasure in the maintenance that reality cannot repair
The empty chair knows there is no choice,
pleading mercy
So I take upon the chair, maintaining what is mine
And leaving it bare when life calls to be warmed
The maintenance of an empty chair repairs what is left;
that which flows within my reach
The empty chair is mine to bear and welcome
Every bit of the soul to be warmed, renewed and whole
Maintaining the chair does breach life
That does not know what it means to own an empty chair
A chair that does not seek to ignore life,
but only longs for a soul to settle
It heals and destroys as it breaks soon the life I know
So please do not settle here
This one is mine to claim and bear
Not being too foolish to believe that empty chairs are not to be shared,
but to know there are many
Your chair awaits by the way your wind carries,
and the cost to maintain
The chair destroys and heals the forgiveness that is yours, and mine
Empty chairs will take a place in life that cannot be ignored
To settle is not a choice,
and to embrace not a foolish claim
A must if an empty chair is to remain bare and not full of life
So I will settle only for a while
Claiming it, and knowing the price
Lost (corresponding painting ‘24)
Lost amongst the music,
and the Hell that brings with it
Can’t listen anymore, though it lingers
Never leaving me without my shining star,
covered by clouds
Clouds pass over, but never pass by
They do not know I am lost
All they see is the dance
Not knowing that rain is cold and drenching
No need for umbrellas to deflect the pain
Lingering sweet notes will capture what I reign,
making a path bearable
At least until I find what was lost
Music, sweet notes puddle around my feet
As I move towards the pain
Freedom comes with a hallow price
Keeping to the path, letting it reign
To familiar to let go
Besides what would be left?
Moving through life with too many umbrellas, or not enough
Lost in puddles with perceived depth
Yet I set foot upon the path,
Believing it to be a fine day
A melody is playing and a dance awaits
Leaving the umbrellas just for today,
because sweet notes still linger
A breath of familiar air and the reign awaits
With broken umbrellas reflecting the pain
I know the dance is visible
Even when lost to those who look away
Please pass by because there is a shining star,
covered by clouds
Waiting for the wind to calm what I reign
The Keeper
I just want to calm my body, mind and soul
Peace does not come easy
I envy those that know it’s presence, it’s soul
Wanting to be there to bask in what is not mine
But I cannot steal what I cannot keep
Longing for calm in something that will never be
This is what I have, what speaks to me
It’s been my truth so many years
Yet I still hope peace will come
Not in death, but in life
But we shall see
I am not the keeper of such a beautiful thing
Beholden to something that will never be,
the keeper
Paralyzed: Hope? (corresponding painting ‘24)
Looking for hope on a path where light slightly penetrates
Filling up holes with dirty paint, enough to be still
Dirt not washing away
Guess that is mine today
Holes in darkness lightning a path
And it’s all that I have from yesterday
But painted today, paralyzed
Sometimes so little left
Sinking, abandoning
Letting the view disappear from the light
Smudging the paint into the holes, just for today
Because it still lingers
Trying to abide to a breath of a light, paralyzed
and gifting it hope
Abandoning (corresponding painting ‘24)
To give hope when to know there is none
A cruel breach, a cruel reply
To be locked in and to swear it is not a lie
To tell it will get better when not a chance in hope
Given only cruel words that calm the soul
But neglects the truth, given to a lie
A selfish deed to give hope when none abound
To see the work of a lie blossom and feel joy
When all known is lost
But remembered with one cruel lie,
and a downward spiral
A lie discovered and a cruel mess exposed,
for one moment of joy
Cruel for many, cruel for one
Can’t lie anymore, hope will never be done
And it’s too cruel to live with such a lie
So I will give up this lie, this delicate dance
Even if it means abandoning a moment of joy
I can’t be cruel anymore
Hope is for the future, and that’s not where I lie
Giving up one moment of joy for a soul cleansed
And to beg no more, for joy that comes with a lie
Dead It
It comes from underground, where I place it
Seems familiar and dead
Voices are heard, where I place it
So I Scream to the present,
and fall back to the past
I dream of the future
Yet that’s not where I placed it
I am beneath it
And don’t need thought or judgment from within my head
Lingers in my way, making all impassable
Coming from dead spaces
I cannot face what is mine today
My body is humble, mind displaced
And all my emotions come from behind, where I place it
And release it to form and paper
Knowing I killed it,
and feeling the warmth
2018-2024